woaahtheretiger

( steelstealsteelsteelstealsteelsteelsteel )

Today is the 13th anniversary of when Rent originally opened on Broadway.  I remembered through a friends Facebook status and decided that I would watch the extras on the final dvd again.  To remember the old times and reminisce... and to cry my fucking head off.
I miss it so fucking much.  More than words can even describe.  I really just miss it more than anything ever.  I just wish I could relive all the memories; the good and the bad.  If I could turn back time, I would do it in a a fucking heartbeat.  I would go and sit in the uncomfortable, discusging, smelly, dirty, grimy, theater.  IF I could just do it one more time... just be able to sit in the lobby, chomp on my bagel from Uncle A's, sit with a few friends, wait for J.Scribs to come out with the cast board, text whomever I need to text, sometimes set up the lobby for Derek who was sleeping in the woman's bathroom because he was hung over, wait for Terrence and Kim to come out and scan tickets, go straight to Terrence becasue Kim was a crazy bitch, go to whichever side of the orchestra you were sitting at, hope that Angel was working that day to get a Playbill from him, sit down in the lotto seat, and then wait another half hour for the show to start.  All of that...I would just fucking love to relive all of that.  One more time.  That's all I ask.  In the same theater that has the same stench, with the same fucking crazy cast members andushers and lotto guys and of course, Derek, whatever his job was called.
Watching the video again... seeing all the old cast members in the audience at the final show, sitting in the front mezzanine all together again, some from 3 years ago, some from 5 months ago.  I miss them all so dearly, even if I did not like their performance or if they were a d-bag.  It brings back incredible memories that I would give any number of things to get back.  Seeing myself in the audinece in the front row of the final show... it's just incredible memories I would truthfully do anything to get it all back.
I'm still in a denial stage.  I don't know how, but it just hasn't completey processed that Rent is gone.  My life as I knew it, was gone.  My old family is split apart and if filled with hatred.  My family who worked at the theater are either gone or still there, but I never see them anymore.  It's hard to leave the ones you loved the most, the ones you saw every weekend who accepted you no matter what your week was or what you thought. That family that was once there is now gone... and will most likely ever be together ever again.


Rent is about celebrating life and your family and friends... and I miss them all more than anyone could ever imagine.   Rent was my family.  My extremely disfunctional, retarded family, that I miss so fucking dearly.

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